You’re too good to be true sometimes, but then I realize that’s who you are. And I realize how truly lucky I am to be yours.

First person to get past my walls in five months. First person to reassure me that he cares about me. First person to give me butterflies in God only knows how long. First person to turn me on using words. First person to make me not afraid. First person to make me feel good about myself. First person to make me nervous/excited/anxious to see him.

He’s the first person to make me feel this way in a very long time.

I can’t wait to see you.

My Little and I were meant to be Big/Little. We have a lot more in common than I thought. And last night was so fun with her :)

Last night was the DEFINITION of a perfect summer night: bonfire, friends, drinks, music, and laughter. 

And being with you made the night even more perfect. 

I really like talking to you. And I got nervous waiting for your replies last night.

Very few people see me. I have a lot of friends, and a lot of people know who I am, but not a lot of people see my dreams, what I want to do, and how I want to change the world.

At that’s unfortunate, because I think a lot less people would judge me if they took the time to get to know me.

We have really good conversations. Better and deeper than I ever thought, but that’s not enough for you to see who I really am, and it’s not enough for me to see the real you, either. 

And that’s what I don’t trust about you, about us. 

I have a really good life.

But I have even better people in it. And for that, I am truly and undoubtly grateful.

I’ve been writing in a newly purchased journal lately. And it’s been really good for me. And it’s the most personal things that have been going on lately. Things I haven’t fully told anyone.

I wish you’d show that you miss me.

I have met some really good friends. I’m not talking about my best friends, because, let’s be real, they’re more than good friends. They’re my family now.

But I’m talking about Jeff: He’s so nice to me, I love it. He’s a good friend and is always there for me. It makes me feel not alone.

Nick: Although I think he is SO cute and I would probably marry him if I could, he’s a really good friend to me. I like having him just as my friend because there’s not pressure. And, for now, I’m completely and utterly happy with that.

Weird, random thought: It’s been two months since my birthday. It seems like yesterday.

I’m really excited for football season this year. I’m in a seating group with some friends from the fraternity Kappa Sigma and what I’m mostly excited about it that they actually like football and will be excited to be at the games. I really don’t like watching sporting events with people who don’t enjoy them. It makes it boring for me.

With those stressful weeks, there is always something to smile about and look forward to.

This week has been awful.

Bad parts: SUPER stressed, SUPER busy, got DQed from the Student Government Elections, have so much homework piling up (but I’m working on it now :) ), and so many of other people’s problems have been piling up on me and I can’t handle it. And barely being able to talk to my best friend really, really sucks too.

Good parts: Tri Sigma Bible Study, Whitney, going to my very first Wings game with Whitney and Jenny, marrying Billy ;), and the friends that have really showed that they’re there for me this week <3 

On Sunday, I had a dream about my future wedding. It was on a beach, I looked incredibly beautiful, and I was SO happy. And SO in love. I could feel that in my dream. It’s an indescribable feeling, but I felt it. I had never known I could feel that much for one person. Everything about that dream was perfect.

Except,

I could never picture my future husband’s face.

And that’s what kills me.